Tuesday, August 29, 2006

THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!

For the last 3 days, the old, familiar, grinding, limp-inducing pain has returned...BUT IN MY NON-OP HIP! That's right, in the hip everyone said would last me another 20 years before becoming symptomatic. It's the same pain. I haven't even been able to experience the pleasure of walking through the grocery store without crutches yet and it's the same bloody pain.

Josh says I should not freak out about it b/c it could just be from over taxing that hip for the last 13 weeks. That hip is bearing the brunt of my weight....but I know the pain. IT'S THE SAME PAIN!

I can't have another surgery right now. I need to work. I need to replenish my savings. I can't continue to pay the ridiculous premium my insurance carrier is charging me. I'm supposed to start school in January. I'm supposed to start my life.

I know life isn't fair....but COME ON! Most of you don't know me or my life so far, but suffice to say, I've paid my dues. For what I've been through these last few years, I should have good karma coming out of my ass. AARRGGHHHH!!!!!

There, I feel better now.

But my bloody left hip doesn't.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Scar Picture - Day 81


Updated Scar picture for you. I don't really see a difference. I have been applying Palmer's Scar Serum. It has Vitamin E, Cocoa Butter and the same active ingredient as Mederma.

How I Spent My Saturday




Sure, I almost gave myself heat stroke, but I am glad to report that my hip didn't hurt a bit. I just hope they all take. I'd hate to have to replant 30 mums.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Nothing Super Exciting To Report

Things are going well. I go to PT twice a week. Though I am still tired all the time, (more of a general malaise, really) my stamina is improving dramatically. I can cook dinner, do the dishes and bake bread in the same afternoon without breaking into a cold sweat and passing out from exhaustion, so that's nice. I'm getting back to normal. I can also sit at my desk, hunched over my computer screen, in a decidedly "hip unfriendly" position for hours on end. As that is basically what I'm paid to do, that too is good.

I slept terribly last night though. Couldn't get comfortable. Tossed and turned. Very weird. I did have a particularily difficult PT session earlier that day, so maybe that was it.

Oh, and I am sooooooooo over the crutches.

But yes, I am still forcing myself to use them, as ordered.

I have been drifting in and out of a post-surgical funk lately. I think I am just bored and frustrated and tired of the limitations. I was telling my PT guy how funny we humans are. Three months ago I was so sore, all of the time. I could barely walk. Now, my pain level is at zero and all I can do is think back on those "glory days" when i could walk without crutches. Sure, I was in abject and profound pain, but BY GOD, I WAS CRUTCH FREE!

Does nothing ever satisfy us? We are so impatient as a species, so quick to forget the reality of the situation and substitute one of our own making, one which will always leave us deeply dissappointed. What a self fullfilling prophecy we are. Our natures work against us.

Remember that when you are still on crutches at week 11+ and can't remember why. It might help you. It did for me.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Health Insurance Update

I am cool. BCBS finally came to their senses and paid my bills. For those of you who need to know, my insurance company was charged about 26,000$ for the hospital stay (4 days), $2400 for the anesthesia and $6,000 for the actual surgery. There were other numerous incedentals which probably added another $2000 to the total. I know cost is a BIG concern for the partially or uninsured. I am not sure if an uninsured person would be charged the same amounts. BCBS paid significantly less than what they were charged.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

I Would Just Like To Say

That at 68 days out from surgery I can finally shave my legs in the shower. And I mean, the whole leg, from the ankle up! No more sitting near the bathtub with my legs cast over the side trying frantically to reach my ankle with a razor without slicing off any skin. Thank God!

Also, I started my PT on Friday last. It's fine. My first appointment was pretty lo-fi, more interview and stretching than anything. My last appt. was a bit more strenuous. They have this machine which is basically a seated eliptical machine. I was on level 6 of 10 and worked up quite a sweat. It felt so good to actually be able to move my body again and exercise. Then my PT guy stretches me out in about 20 different ways and ices down the hip. I have PT from now until the end of August, twice a week.

Insurance Update: I am now having to call my insurance company every few days b/c they STILL haven't paid my hospital and surgery bill and it's been over 60 days! Last week, they finally listed both as paid and this week they revoked that status until they can confirm that this wasn't a pre-existing condition. Well, its NOT! A pre-existing condition is something you've seen a doctor for in the past year. I haven't seen anyone in years. The last doc I saw was back in Philly and he told me I should just wait and see. Which I did. Sheeeesh! These guys!

Friday, August 04, 2006

This Is Funny

So, my brother is in town and we're having a grand old time. Yesterday, we decided to try the new Vietnamese place in town, Pho Bac. We get in there and the poor owner is trying to service about 10 tables himself. He brings our menus and explains to us that his new waitress called in sick and he's THE ONLY ONE IN THE ENTIRE RESTAURANT. He is both Cook and Waiter. The poor guy! We decided to stick it out. Well, after waitng a really, really, really long time, Josh's and my brother's food is brought to the table. Silverware, however, doesn't arrive. After about 5 minutes of us staring at their food, we see the owner walking toward us with 2 rolls of silverware in his hands. He stops short and gives them to the table next to us (they don't have food yet).

Finally, I can't take it anymore. I say to the table, "I got it!" and I leap up and take about 4 strides around the table when I freeze. I forgot my crutches. They are propped up casually next to my chair, shrouded in anticipation. For a brief minute, I even consider going on. I mean, why not, I was already around the table and I was in no pain. My good sense got the better of me. Suddenly, I blurt out, "I don't have my crutches!" and shoot Josh and my brother a rather panicked look.

It takes a few seconds for the ramifications of this statement to settle in to their brains, they too saw nothing out of the ordinary from my leap up. When it did, there was a shared, "OOOOOH!" and several request for me to sit down. Which I did.